The Parking Chronicles I

Posted March 8th, 2016 by junebug65 and filed in The Parking Chronicles

If I continue this way, I’ll have to invest in a black, hooded sweatsuit and a mask, like the ones in “Scream” or “A Clockwork Orange.”

Don’t misunderstand. I want to handle the issue head-on (to wit: to catch the perps red-handed). I’ve simply been denied the opportunity. Parkers claiming two spaces are as elusive as a faint whiff of dog manure under a pile of leaves. And so, yes. I’ve become “that person.”

A handful of times, I’ve left unsavory notes under inconsiderate parkers’ windshield wipers.

Here’s my defense. One, I have no other recourse. Two, I limit my notes to chronic offenders. Three, I limit my notes to chronic offenders.

Defenses two and three coalesce, creating the necessity to keep close track of license plates.

This is how VKF 521 came to my attention.

VKF 521 arrived early Friday afternoons, when there were spaces to be had, and planted his car smack-dab in the middle of two. There his vehicle remained, unmoved, until late Monday mornings.

Given this pattern, I gleaned that VKF was a weekend visitor.

So while I was lugging my handbag, overnight bag, gym bag, briefcase, groceries, and laundry a block-and-a-half to my apartment, he was probably getting laid.

One day, lurching past VKF’s car, it was more than I could bear. I stopped, dropped my bags and groped for a scrap of paper. Surreptitiously looking left and right, I scrawled, “Park more considerately!!” and tucked the note securely under his windshield wiper. This was a trial; my wrist was still numb from the weight of a cat litter bag. But I wanted to be proactive — even if it was in a low-down, sneaky way.

As I left the scene of my crime, pride and shame asserted themselves in equal measure. I’d done a dirty job, one calling for misguided assertiveness skills, a prickly disposition, and a ready scrap of paper.

However I chose to feel about it, I’d been perfect for the job.

I wonder if Macy’s sells cute hoods and masks.

15 Comments
The Parking Chronicles II |

15 Responses to “The Parking Chronicles I”

  1. Bella says:

    OMG, June, am I a terrible person if I tell you I laughed through this entire post? “he was probably getting laid, gropped for a piece of paper, wrist still numb from the weight of a cat litter bag…” LMAO! Love it! What you should have done is keyed his car. That always makes most of us feel better! And no, it’s not a terrible thing to do. It’s called “taking matters into your own hands!” :) hee hee!

    • junebug65 says:

      Bella, your laughter is a high compliment. And your kind words made my day. As for keying a car, you can’t imagine how I sometimes fight the urge. All that stops me is the vision of myself in a musty jail cell. Although, now that I consider it, it would provide great blogging material….

  2. The Snee says:

    Loved this! Your license plate memory skills have all sorts of usable applications. This is just the beginning!

    • junebug65 says:

      Thank you, and I’m so glad you liked it! VKF drove me nuts–if only because I couldn’t think of what the letters could be manipulated to stand for. V? Very. F? I’m sure you can guess. But the K??? I’m still trying to come up with something!

  3. MumuGB says:

    Hello! Am visiting you from She Writes. I loved your post..I was wondering whether the note worked…

    • junebug65 says:

      Hello! Thanks for your kind words. As for the note, more will be revealed in The Parkering Chronicles II. I hope you’ll drop by for it. Have a great weekend!

  4. Lauren says:

    Love your twisted mind.

    I’m so glad you’re on the case. Next time chalk the tires. LOL! Maybe invest in a tire lock boot. : )

    • junebug65 says:

      You’re accusing me of having a sick mind? I’m offended to the core. Despite this, however, I hope you’re feeling better and enjoying the weekend.

  5. Shary Hover says:

    Can’t wait to find out of the note was effective!

  6. Cheryl P. says:

    What is it with bad parkers? I thought your note was letting the guy off easy. I am quite impressed how polite your note was. I am thinking along the lines of Junebug. VKF …hmm, pehaps something like “looks like you have Virtually F[you know the word] Karma but of course that isn’t in the right order… at any rate my note would have been a page burner.

    I will be looking forward to part II.

    • junebug65 says:

      Cheryl,
      Don’t give the Junebug confusion a thought. In your place, it would probably take me three months to figure it out.
      As for VKF, you can’t imagine how hard my boyfriend and I have tried to think of a “VKF” nickname. If only the F was in the middle! As it stands now, we’ve fot nothing.
      How cool you were uppercutting! (love the terminology). And for all you know, if you and Jennifer ever met, maybe you’d intimidate the hell out of her!
      Thanks for the comments.

  7. Cheryl P. says:

    Oh, silly me, I thought Junebug was one of the commenters, but you Junebug65 and June are one in the same. I will get it straight.

  8. cardiogirl says:

    By far, my favorite line in this post was:

    While I was lugging my handbag, overnight bag, gym bag, briefcase, groceries, and laundry a block and a half to my apartment, he was probably getting laid.

    Excellent!

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