The Parking Chronicles II

Posted June 14th, 2011 by June O'Hara and filed in My Favorites, The Parking Chronicles

So. I left a note under VKF 521′s windshield wiper imploring him to park more considerately. I didn’t use profanity, but nor did I leave a smiley face or a cheery “Thanks so much!” at the bottom. I was through with VKF’s nonsense, and if my large, bold print offended him, I refused to care. Having never given me the chance to confront him directly, he’d brought this ugliness on himself.

I had yet to admit to anyone that I’d left notes on windshields, though. The act sounded cowardly and petty, reflecting an embarrassing lack of character. But for some reason, I had a sudden need to confess.

“I. . . uh. . . just did something,” I told my boyfriend over the phone.

“Oh? What did you do?,” the implicit “now” voluble to my ear.

“Well, that asshole VKF was taking up two spots. Again.” I paused. ”So I left him a note.”

“Really.” My boyfriend laughed. ”Did anyone see you?”

“Are you kidding? I gave myself whiplash making sure the coast was clear.”

“Because,” my boyfriend continued, ”if this becomes a habit, you’ll have to invest in a wardrobe of heavy black sweatsuits.”

“Fuck you,” I said. ”And FYI, I’m already on it.”

“Of course you are.” I heard him roll his eyes. ”So where did you leave the note?”

“Under his windshield wiper. Why?”

“It’s supposed to snow tonight.”

“What?”

“They say it’s going to snow.”

I turned toward the window. The steel gray sky portended near-certain precipitation.

“Fuck,” I said. “My note will never survive the snow.”

“You know what you should do?” my boyfriend asked. “You should write up a bunch of notes like VKF’s and have them laminated.”

I laughed. “Not a bad thought,” I said. Then, “Listen, I think I’m gonna hang up. I want to go watch the sky.”

As the first snowflakes fell, I considered lamination. A clever idea, but it smacked of negativity. There were a handful of courteous parkers in the neighborhood. To keep things balanced, I’d have to write up a second set of cards lauding their consideration. “Swell job, Mary!” “Keep up the good work, Stan!” and “Mike, your parking skills rock!”

On the up side, notes of recognition would boost good parkers’ self-esteem. Bad parkers would learn from their example, uniting discordant factions of the parking community. Tempers would ease, good-will would prevail. Smiles would replace frowns.

On the down side, it would be a real pain in the ass. Writing the notes, proofreading them for spelling and grammar, keeping a log of people’s parking habits: It was a lot to ask of someone who could barely keep up with her laundry.

This was going to require some thought.

23 Comments
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23 Responses to “The Parking Chronicles II”

  1. Shary Hover says:

    Now I’m on the edge of my seat. Did it snow? Did the note survive the weather?

    I think I’m pro-laminating and pro-gold star notes, too. You could be a parking superhero, especially if you have a costume (and a mask).

  2. Cheryl P. says:

    I am finding this really funny. I have a draft of a post about giving out gold stars as I think if it worked as slick on adults as it did on me and my first grade friends, the world might become a better place. BUT I am also sure that some people need to see that BIG UGLY red check mark to remind them they did it wrong and can do better. So therefore, I am thinking you should just keep some zip lock bags, (to place your notes in and keep them safe from the elements) some Sharpie waterproof markers and a tablet handy to leave notes as needed.

  3. This was hilarious! I loved it.

  4. Bella says:

    And the saga continues…and I’m loving every minute of it! Not your lack of parking, or having to put up with the lack of consideration from VKF, but your resourcefulness at trying to put a stop to this cad’s nonsense. Did I just use the word cad? I did, and for the record, I’m trying to sound civil before a situation that I know would have resulted in a dozen expletives leaving my mouth. I’m with the boyfriend. Laminate the note, hell, make that notes, and duct tape them to all parts of the car. If that doesn’t get the message across, I don’t know what will! Snowing? Oh my goodness, my heart goes out to you!

  5. I love the positive cards idea! And to shield a note I left, I used a Ziploc — probably cheaper than laminating. :)

    • junebug65 says:

      You left a note?! And used a Ziploc?! I feel like we’re blood sisters. Thanks for the comment.

      • cardiogirl says:

        I immediately thought the same thing — channel MacGuyver and use a Ziploc bag! I swear I thought of that while I was reading the post.

        But since we’re of the same mind, we three, can I join the blood sister tribe? I have a paper cut I could coax open.

        • June O'Hara says:

          Well, Cardiogirl, since you already have a paper cut (and I love your word choice “coax”), I think it’s a must.

  6. wosushi says:

    http://www.officemax.com/catalog/sku.jsp?productId=ARS25504&history=9t5ak98d|prodPage~15^freeText~laminate^paramValue~true^refine~1^region~1^param~return_skus^return_skus~Y

    Not that I am saying I’ve ever done it, or anything. Ahem.

  7. YES! you must make up som plastic covered notes. I’d put ” Who do you think you are, ASSHOLE?” Great post.

  8. Brenda says:

    I always want to unleash my dark self, at least in my head, but don’t . Think Kim said it best. Be strong.. Good one.

  9. Indigo Roth says:

    Hey June! Ooooh, don’t get me started on this. No, really. Don’t. Infuriating, inconsiderate, they should all die, etc. Indigo x
    Indigo Roth recently posted…A Suspicious Lack Of WordsMy Profile

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